


The Brown One

by Ghosbee



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Please Don't Take This Seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 07:32:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15262497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghosbee/pseuds/Ghosbee
Summary: In an alternate universe, the Black Lion forms the upper torso and head of Voltron, while the Brown Lion forms the pelvis.Too bad the rest of Voltron is too uptight to let her do some pelvic thrusts.





	The Brown One

My name is Kimberly Nguyen, and I am the Ass of Voltron, a.k.a the pelvic region of Voltron but I don’t like to point that out as often because, y’know, obviously.

I didn’t actually go to pilot school like the rest of the guys? I was doing some soul searching in the desert, and I definitely was not taking any drugs, when I saw a shuttle crashing into Earth? And at first I was like, “Wow, the ayahuasca’s hitting me hard tonight,” but then I remembered that I only auditory hallucinations on ayahuasca, not visual ones, so I thought maybe it was the nearby pilot school?

I drove over, cause I figured the pilot school might try to cover up a shuttle crashing, and that would mean they’d probably have to pay me to keep my mouth shut. I felt, at the time, that being paid to keeping my mouth shut would help me grow as person.

Instead I wound up hanging out with a bunch of kids and a hot dude. There may have been a motorcycle? Honestly, I was pretty faded by then, like I know for sure now that the Blue giant Lion was real, but I back then I kept thinking, “Oh my god, fucking Paolo cut my ayahuasca with something, what if it was heroin? I can’t be a good example to this kids if I’m high on heroin right now!”

But I wasn’t high on heroin, so instead I somehow ended up in a magical castle multiple lightyears from Earth being bossed around by a space elf! A really bitchy space elf too, like, just because I'm the only other girl up here doesn't mean you need to get all jealous and shit. I mean, I'm no space elf, but I was once compared to Mulan.

And the others were no help about anything.

Like Shiro was always going, “Maybe it’s best to listen to the princess, she knows more than us about Voltron.” 

And Pidge was always saying stuff like, “Please stop stealing my laptop, no matter how many times you misspell youtube in the search bar, you won’t be able to access it.”

Hunk and Coran were like, “Please stop passing out in the communal spaces, also what are you even taking to cause that? How did you even get drugs in space?”

God, it was like college all over again.

Not to mention the lack of a good lay around. Like, Shiro was the closest to my age, but geez, talk about uptight. I tried with Coran, but he told me that we’d have to get to know each other better first, and I really just don’t have the patience for that.

And like, Keith and Lance are are totally on my to-bang list, especially Lance because he seems like he’d be hella into it, but I got wait until their 18 because I’m not some creepy pedo, y’know? Shiro made sure to inform me that the age of consent in space is a very hard 18.

Like, I don't even know what space jail is like? But I think it might be staffed by those furry fuckers we keep bumping into, and I am not a furry.

The only cool thing about this all is that my lion’s element is wood. I’m not supposed to bring it up a lot, but like, wood.

Lance thinks it’s funny, what a shame that kid’s a kid.


End file.
